La buena medicina de antaño!
Porqué no chuparlos personalmente?
Photo courtesy of The Museum of Quackery.
Insecure about your lack of enormous boobs, ladies? Husbands, want to modify your wife to suit your needs without expensive surgery? Well back in the day you could always put down some hard-earned money for this set of rubber tubes topped with pink, boob-ish looking suction cups, aka the Foot Operated Breast Enlarger Pump.
All the ladies had to do was slap the cups to their milk silos and repeatedly pump a foot pedal like a person just about to wrap their car around a tree. The suction would elongate the breasts thereby giving the illusion of growth when, in reality, the only physiological response was horrifying bruising that made it look like they had been in a brutal tit fight.
Brutal Tit Fight is also a good band name.
Yeah, those turn of the century folk sure were idiots, thinking they could dupe people in to buying their grossly illogical machines that promised wonder cures for all the genitals they were applied to.
Oh, wait. These were sold in 1976. They sold more than four million of them.
And check out Dr. Swaim's intriguing essays on health issues facing the human race, in Brown Fat: How Evolution Is Saving Us From Our Own Fat Asses and The 5 Most Likely Ways Humans Will Become Obsolete.