Yo preferiría a Jessica Rabbit
PLAYBOY: First Marilyn Monroe, then Madonna and now Marge Simpson. How does a nice girl from Springfield end up in Playboy?
SIMPSON: A nice girl like me would never display her body if it weren’t to raise money for charity. That’s why I’m donating my hefty fee from this tasteful pictorial to SPHG—Saving and Preserving Historic Gazebos. Gazebos are disappearing, people, and they’re not coming back!
SIMPSON: Homer said he was intrigued because he had never heard of your magazine. The notion of women posing in the buff was completely foreign to him. Wasn’t it sweet of him to lie? When Lisa heard about this, she said it was empowering to see a woman in control of her own body. Wasn’t it sweet of her to lie? Bart will never learn about this under any circumstance.
PLAYBOY: Why pose now? Is this something you would have considered when you were younger?
SIMPSON: Oh no. When I was young, I didn’t have the wisdom and poise needed to allow myself to be photographed in my underpants, leaning against a jukebox.
PLAYBOY: Regular viewers of the show know you and Homer have always had a great marriage with a healthy sex life. What’s your secret to relationship success?
SIMPSON: Homer and I have one rule that has worked incredibly well: Never go to bed hungry.
PLAYBOY: What advice do you give your daughters about men?
SIMPSON: I always tell my Lisa she should marry the man who loves her. It doesn’t matter if he’s losing his hair or is overweight or is at a bar every night…or if he forgets your birthday and anniversary.… All that matters is that nothing means anything to him but you.
PLAYBOY: What advice do you give Bart about the fairer sex?
SIMPSON: I say, “You won’t meet any girls in prison, which is where you seem to be headed.”
PLAYBOY: When did you first know Homer was the one?
SIMPSON: Well, when the doctor said I was pregnant, I heard a voice saying “That’s the man you’re going to marry.” The voice was my mother’s.
PLAYBOY: Have you ever thought about dyeing your hair blonde? Do blondes have less fun?
SIMPSON: I don’t know about blondes, but I just found a few grays in my blue. It’s as though there’s a civil war on top of my head.
PLAYBOY: As a stay-at-home mom, what do you pride yourself on doing around the house?
SIMPSON: Searching for your magazines and throwing them away.
PLAYBOY: In the bedroom?
SIMPSON: Yes, they’re usually in the bedroom.
PLAYBOY: When you were Lisa’s age, what did you think your adult life would be like? How does the reality measure up to your early expectations?
SIMPSON: When I was a little girl there were three men I wanted to marry: Elton John, Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly. But for some reason it never worked out.
PLAYBOY: Generally speaking, magazine covers are the purview of celebrities. Did you ever want to be famous? Do you enjoy this attention?
SIMPSON: I’m just happy to be a MILK—Mom I’d Like to Know.